When emotions become overwhelming, our instincts often tell us to retreat, avoid, or lash out. But what if the path to emotional wellness lies in doing the opposite of what we feel compelled to do? That’s the essence of “opposite action,” a powerful skill rooted in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Grounded in both psychological practice and neuroscience, opposite action offers a practical way to regulate emotions, improve relationships, and support others through difficult experiences.
Opposite action is a skill developed within DBT, a therapeutic approach created by Dr. Marsha Linehan to help people with intense emotional sensitivity and dysregulation. DBT blends cognitive-behavioral techniques with mindfulness and acceptance strategies, and opposite action is one of its core emotion regulation skills.
The idea is simple but not easy: when your emotions push you to act in ways that are unhelpful or destructive, identify the emotion, assess whether it fits the facts of the situation, and if not, choose to act in the opposite way. For example, if anxiety tells you to avoid a social situation, you go anyway. If anger tempts you to yell, you speak calmly or take a break. Over time, this not only changes your behavior but also reshapes the emotion itself.
“Fake it until you make it” might sound like pop psychology, but brain imaging studies suggest there’s real science behind it. Functional MRI scans have shown that when people engage in behaviors associated with certain emotions, their brains begin to show patterns consistent with those emotions. For instance, smiling (even when you’re not happy) activates brain regions involved in joy and reward.
This aligns with the concept of neuroplasticity: the brain’s ability to rewire itself based on experience. Acting opposite to your emotions creates new pathways that can weaken the grip of old, automatic responses. In short, practicing opposite action can change not just how you behave but how you feel.
Anxietyoften leads us to avoid what we fear. But avoidance can reinforce anxiety and limit our lives. Opposite action invites us to face those fears in manageable steps.
- Fear of public speaking? Sign up for a small-group presentation.
- Social anxiety? Initiate a short conversation with a coworker.
- Panic about medical appointments? Schedule one and bring a trusted friend.
These actions are uncomfortable in the short term but build confidence and reduce fear over time.
Parenting a child with a chronic illness brings intense emotional challenges: grief, fear, guilt, and helplessness. These emotions may push parents toward overprotection, withdrawal, or emotional shutdown. But opposite action can help break these patterns.
- When you want to isolate? Reach out to another parent going through the same thing.
- When you feel like giving up? Take a small step to advocate for your child’s needs.
- When you feel numb? Practice gratitude or engage in a moment of joy with your child.
These small, intentional actions reinforce resilience and connection, both for the parent and the child.
When someone we know has a child with a terminal illness, our instinct may be to avoid them out of fear, discomfort, or not knowing what to say. Opposite action teaches us to do the brave thing: approach instead of retreat.
- When you feel unsure of what to say? Simply ask, “How is your child doing today?” or “What would be helpful right now?”
- When you fear bringing up their child will cause pain? Remember that acknowledging their child validates their reality and love.
- When you feel powerless? Offer presence instead of solutions.
Showing up—even imperfectly—can be a profound act of love and support.
Opposite action is not about denying emotions or pretending everything is fine. It’s about choosing behaviors that align with our values rather than our fears. Whether it’s facing anxiety, parenting through chronic illness, or supporting someone through unimaginable grief, doing the opposite of what emotion tells us can be an act of healing, courage, and connection. And with practice, the brain and heart begin to follow.