When a child is facing a serious or chronic illness, parents and caregivers are suddenly placed in the middle of countless conversations. You talk with doctors, nurses, teachers, relatives, and friends, all while trying to keep up with everyday life. These conversations can be draining. Sometimes it feels hard to speak up with medical teams, even when they are wonderful and supportive. At other times, family or friends who truly want to help may offer advice that isn’t useful, or push in ways that don’t feel right.
It is completely normal to feel stressed or unsure about how to handle these moments. Illness creates a power imbalance. Medical teams bring their expertise, and families bring the lived knowledge of their child. Both are needed, yet families often feel nervous about voicing concerns, as if they might be seen as “difficult.” With relatives or friends, parents may feel pressure to accept help or advice that doesn’t fit their needs.
This is where skills from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Motivational Interviewing (MI) can make a difference. These tools are about interpersonal effectiveness, which means learning how to communicate clearly, set boundaries, and ask for help in ways that keep relationships healthy while protecting your child and yourself.
One DBT skill that many families find helpful is called DEAR MAN, which offers a step-by-step way to speak up. First, describe the situation, such as saying, “We’ve noticed the new medication makes her extremely tired.” Next, express your feelings: “We’re worried it’s affecting her schoolwork.” Then assert what you need: “Could we talk about possible alternatives or dosage adjustments?” The R stands for reward, where you point out the benefit of meeting the request: “If she feels more alert, she’ll be able to keep up in school and follow the treatment plan more successfully.” The remaining steps are to stay mindful, appear confident even if you feel nervous, and be open to negotiation.
This approach works not only with medical teams but also with family and friends. If relatives are offering advice that doesn’t feel right, you can use the same steps. For example, you might say, “I know you love us and want to help. Right now, what we need most is someone to just listen. That helps us feel supported.”
Another helpful tool is validation, which comes from Motivational Interviewing. This means acknowledging the other person’s perspective before sharing your own. With a doctor, you might say, “I can see how important this treatment is, and I appreciate your expertise. I’d also like to share what we’ve noticed at home.” With a relative, you might start with, “I know you’re trying to support us,” before setting a boundary. Validation opens the door so your own needs can be heard.
And finally, do not forget that asking for help directly is an act of strength, not weakness. Instead of saying, “We’re having a tough time,” you might try, “Could you pick up groceries this week?” or, “Would you be able to sit with him for an hour so I can rest?” Specific requests give people the chance to step in meaningfully.
Communicating during illness is not easy. These skills do not erase the stress, but they can make conversations clearer, calmer, and more effective. They give you tools to stand in your role as the expert on your child, while still honoring the knowledge of others.
At B Brave, we want families to know that your voice matters. Using interpersonal effectiveness skills helps ensure your needs are heard and respected, both in the hospital and at home.
Leave a Reply