When a child is facing a serious illness, emotions can feel like waves crashing without warning. One moment you may be steady, and the next you’re overwhelmed with sadness, fear, or frustration. Many families describe this as one of the hardest parts of the journey: not just what’s happening medically, but how to manage the emotions that come with it.
Skills from Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT, can help. They aren’t about pretending everything is okay or pushing feelings aside. Instead, they’re small ways to steady yourself when emotions feel too big.
Often the first step is simply noticing what sets you off. Maybe it’s sitting in the waiting room before a procedure, or hearing the sound of monitors in the middle of the night. Maybe it’s the look on your child’s face when they’re in pain, or even the silence that comes after a hard conversation with a doctor. These moments are what DBT calls triggers. Paying attention to them doesn’t make them disappear, but it helps you see them coming so they don’t catch you completely off guard.
Once you recognize a trigger, the next step is finding ways to bring yourself comfort. DBT calls this self-soothing, and it can be as simple as leaning into your five senses. Parents often bring a favorite photo to look at during long hospital days, or a playlist of familiar music that softens the background noise of machines. A soft blanket or even a small stuffed animal can give comfort through touch. Some families bring a candle or lotion that smells like home. Others make sure to have a favorite snack or warm drink nearby, something small that feels grounding.
These things may sound simple, but they matter. They remind your body and mind that in this moment, you are safe. They help create small pockets of calm that can make it easier to face what comes next. Families who use these skills often say they feel just a little more anchored, a little more able to breathe, even when nothing about the situation is easy.
Illness changes so much, but it doesn’t take away our ability to care for ourselves in small ways. Every time you notice a trigger, every time you reach for something soothing, you’re practicing courage. You’re showing up for yourself as much as for your child. And sometimes, those little acts of care are what help you keep moving forward.